Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself. They come through you but not from you, And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.
You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,
Which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to like them,
But seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backwards nor tarries with yesterday.
You are the bows from which your children.
As living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite,
And He bends you with His might
That His arrows may go swift and far.
Let your bending in the archer’s hand be for gladness.
For even as He loves the arrow that flies,
So, He loves also the bow that is stable.
Kahlil Gibran
The effect
When I saw this poem for the first time, I didn’t like it. My daughter was only 2 years old and my son was 5 at that time. I was so not ready to read this with an open mind and to give it a thought. Moreover, I could not grasp the idea that my kids are not really my kids. I was too afraid to admit it. And I was too afraid to admit that my kids don’t need me, that they are independent thinkers, that they have their own desires, that could be completely different from mines. I was afraid that they might not love me the way I love them.
This poem made me realized that I am creating a very unhealthy attachment with my children. I was needing them more than they needed me. I was too afraid to let them be independent. So, I was projecting out my own insecurities onto them, which was so unfair on them. I realized that if I want my children to grow up as confident and secure adults I needed to change! I had to let go of any unsupportive beliefs regarding my children and myself and really work on myself, for them, for me, for my family, for our future.
Love your children wisely!
Love YOUR CHILDREN WISELY
I love my children very much. However, that was not enough for them to grow as confident children and then adults, with high self-esteem and a good sense of self-concept. I realized that if I can teach my children anything valuable and important that is exactly it! Although, I realized that if I want to give my children a valuable lesson I need to teach them how to be worthy and free. I wanted to give my children a gift that will last a lifetime. A lesson that will make them feel secure, confident, worthy, independent, and free from any doubt about themselves.
A few years later my son was making First Holy Communion. During one of the masses for the preparation of same, the priest asked children who of them think that they are perfect. Only a handful of children raised their hands. My son was one of them. The minute the priest asked this question I saw my son confidently raised his hand not looking back or looking for the reaction of other people.
I saw his confidence. I saw that he felt worthy. But I also saw that he believed in it… and I felt relief… yes, as a mother I have achieved what I wanted to achieve for my son. I felt proud of him. I felt proud that he felt so confident. That moment tears came to my eyes, I saw in him a good person, a lovely soul, a young person who already knows his worth.
My children
Today my children are older, but I am so happy to see them being confident. I can say that both of my children know their worth, they have a good sense of self-concept. They freely speak their mind and express their opinion. They are not afraid to say that they are good at something.
My children are able to receive compliments. They feel comfortable speaking to anyone. My children are open, kind, content, secure, independent and curious about the world. They see life as an exciting opportunity. And they are not afraid. They are happy. Moreover, they are my biggest pride. They are my biggest love. And they are the most important people in my life. They know it, and they know I will always support them if they will need me to.
Your journey for the better
I would never be able to show my children how to be all of that above if I didn’t do the work myself. I had to change. Firstly, I had to become the person I wanted my children to be. I had to teach myself how to be confident. I had to know and understand the feeling of being worthy before I could teach that my children.
Otherwise, it would of never be able to teach them that. Children are very smart and attuned to our energy. If I would be only saying those concepts to them without showing them they would know and feel it. Children can sense empty words and would never take them as truth.
This is why it is so important that you will feel worthy, confident, good enough and have healthy self-esteem. When you will feel it everyone around you will benefit from it too. When you become more, you will be able to give more. It’s time for you to stop being afraid of good feelings. You need to see yourself as a separated person from your role as a mother. Being a mother is just your role, it is not who you are! Just like the poem outlined, we all are undependable creatures, with our own life.
Masterclass
In my July’s two-day Masterclass for Mums, I help you change the whole concept of motherhood, yourself and your children. I will help you build a very healthy relationship with yourself. It will show you that there is more to you than just your role of being a mother. I will help you find a connection with you and your desires.
After this two-day masterclass, you will feel more confident, and I will show you how to set boundaries. You will be more assertive. You will have a good sense of self-concept. I will help you build your identity.
However, this masterclass will be intensive, experiential, integrating, engaging, healing, and life-changing. You won’t be the same person after this two-day workshop. I will be doing this workshop with Amy who is one of my colleagues from “Horizon”. We are going to blend our experience, knowledge, and skills to help you with your transformation. More information about this masterclass you will find on the Horizon Mental Health Clinic website, below is the link to it.
With Love, Always
