I can’t rest until I get that done!
I can’t slow down because what am I supposed to do when I do?
I need to get everything right!
Before submitting this assignment/email/text message, I will have to check it at least ten times!
I will never accept any of my mistakes.
I will hold grudges against myself when I think I said or done something silly!
If I make a mistake, I perceive myself as a failure.
I tend to be demanding and hard on myself, and yet think this is very normal behaviour.
I will stretch my capacity to please other people.
What others think of me is important to me.
I always present myself to a high standard.
Does any of the above statements sound familiar to you? Can you resonate with it? Is that what your internal conversation looks like? Does it remind you of the relationship you have with yourself? Is that how you treat yourself?
If so, I am happy you are reading this article. Because what I am about to tell you hopefully will make you want to change it and change the relationship with yourself!
Self-awareness builds Self-esteem
Have you ever asked yourself why you behave or believe the things you do? It is a time that you to challenge yourself a little bit. I want you to ask yourself why you try to be perfect all the time? Why does it matter so much, and for who?
You see, my dear, you try to be so perfect, not to make mistakes, set such high expectations of yourself, and be so demanding of yourself because there is something underneath going on with your subconscious mind.
However, deep down, you believe that you are not good enough! And as a result, you are trying to cover it up by being perfect. You don’t think that you are good enough, so you don’t accept yourself, but also you are afraid that others won’t accept you either. That is making you want to be perfect so others can validate you. You are constantly looking for other people’s approval of you!
Although, with external validations, they never last longer than a few hours, maybe days. It feeds your ego only, not your soul. External validations don’t change your core beliefs about yourself!
Where did it all begin?
Feeling not good enough usually comes from your childhood. At least one of your parents, caregiver, maybe a “friend” made you think all the time that you are not good enough. Whatever you did was not good enough! You tried and tried over and over again… but nothing seemed to work.
Of course, as a child, you didn’t have the language to communicate what was going on internally with you. However, you felt it exactly the same as you do it now. That is the power of your body and feelings. You don’t need words to know what is going on. All you need is to feel it. <Some of you might say, but I don’t feel anything… feeling nothing is still feeling something, my dear!>
Moreover, in your childhood, what you needed and wanted the most was to be loved, seen, and heard by someone you loved. You wanted and needed your parents’ acceptance and love to develop a healthy self-concept and relationship with yourself.
Although, if that never happens, you have become stuck believing that you are not good enough.
Break the pattern!
However, you need to remind yourself that you are not a child anymore! You are an adult that takes full responsibility for yourself and your emotions! And that means that from now on, you are in charge of how you feel and what are your core beliefs.
From now on… you get to decide whether you want to be emotionally dependent on someone else or give yourself total freedom!
While, if you choose freedom, you need to let go of this need to prove yourself to someone else, or the need to “be the good girl/ boy attitude! The need of being perfect- let that go too! Allow yourself to make mistakes! Allow yourself not to know things or to be easier on yourself!
So far, how you treated yourself didn’t work well to your advantage! So now try to use those tips and see if they work for you!
Freedom!
However, remember, my dear; you are an amazing, good enough person just the way you are! You don’t need to prove it to anybody else! All you actually got to do is allow yourself to feel it with all your heart! Fell that you are enough the way you are! Accept yourself!
Moreover, you deserve it! You deserve to feel free! Be easier on yourself. The simplest test is every time you will feel like giving out to yourself, just check with yourself:
Is that what I would say to someone I love? Would I be saying those things to my best friend?
If the answer is “NO”, you shouldn’t be saying those things to yourself either! Don’t be perfect! Be alive! Be human! Making mistakes and getting out of our comfort zone is how we develop as human beings! So go and enjoy being human! Enjoy your life!
In the meanwhile, take ownership of your life, and yourself, by building a healthy, loving and kind relationship with yourself, by changing the self-concept… that you are good enough! Say it with me…
I am good enough! I am good enough! I am good enough!
I deserve all the good things! I deserve all the good things!
I deserve to be loved! I deserve love! I deserved to be loved!
I am worthy! I am worthy! I am worthy! I am worthy!
I am a very valuable person! I am a very valuable person!
With lots of love,
Sylwia Kuchenna