My work
As a psychotherapist, I find immense joy and fulfilment in my work. Watching my patients grow, change, and heal is my greatest privilege in life. People come to me for a myriad of reasons: to heal relationships, trauma, and past pain, to understand their emotions and grief, or simply to have someone to talk to who won’t judge them. Often, they share their deepest secrets, and sometimes, they come to explore spirituality and the “woo-woo” stuff. The reasons are as varied as the people themselves.
Initially, many patients are nervous and unsure of what to say or how to begin. They look to me for guidance, expecting me to direct the conversation. However, this is not how I work. I give my patients full freedom to share what they wish. I don’t typically lead the sessions, allowing them to express themselves as they feel comfortable. This freedom can be overwhelming and confusing for them, which in itself can be a valuable indication of underlying trauma.
Intuition
As I delved deeper into my personal growth and continued to work closely with my patients, I began to experience a kind of spiritual intuition. It felt as if I could see through to the trauma and experiences that shaped them. For instance, I remember meeting a woman for the first time and sensing the emotional baggage she brought with her, almost as if it was a visible presence. Another time, a man was contemplating a career change, and I intuitively knew his new path before he voiced it. These moments happen frequently, where I feel like I know things about my patients that they haven’t shared yet.
One of the more surprising instances was when a patient asked me how I knew about something they had never mentioned. I was taken aback because I was certain they had shared it with me. These experiences aren’t just coincidences; they reflect a deeper, almost spiritual connection I feel with my patients. It’s as though I’m tuning into a subtle, intuitive understanding that goes beyond words, helping me connect with and support them on their journey.
Diagnosis
Sometimes people come to me asking for a diagnosis, but I don’t provide them for a few reasons. For one, in Ireland, psychotherapists aren’t allowed to diagnose; that’s a role reserved for doctors. I hope this changes someday, as it would mean greater respect and recognition for psychotherapists in the mental health field here. Another reason is that labels can be limiting. If I were to tell someone they have a masochistic personality, borderline personality, histrionic personality, schizoid personality, or narcissistic personality, they might see it as a final judgment. It can make the journey toward change feel overwhelming or even impossible.
Instead, I use these unspoken diagnoses in my head as tools to tailor the therapy to each person’s needs. My goal is to find the best way to connect and challenge their beliefs to help them heal, rather than blindly trying different approaches that could potentially re-traumatize them. For example, the therapeutic approach suitable for someone with bipolar traits wouldn’t necessarily work for someone with borderline personality traits.
In my experience, patients with narcissistic personalities often find it challenging to stay in therapy. When they do, progress can be slow because they may come seeking validation rather than change. They sometimes end up frustrated with me if things don’t go as they expected, and it can be a tricky balance to navigate.
The process
Some people come to therapy seeking help without fully wanting it. They expect me to provide advice or tell them what to do, and they become frustrated when I don’t. My role is not to give advice but to offer different perspectives and connect emotions with situations. I aim to uncover the root of problems rather than provide direct solutions. I respect my patients too much to dictate their actions; I believe in their capacity to make their own decisions. Often, the answers they seek are complex and not always what they want to hear.
I trust that every emotion carries valuable information, and I trust the body more than the ego. In sessions, I am attuned to what I feel, see, and hear, as well as to the unconscious behaviours and survival reactions of my patients. These elements are critical pieces of information. I observe without judgment because change can only occur when we become aware of our unconscious behaviours. My goal is to help people become aware of themselves, as this is where healing and transformation begin. I believe in the resilience of the human spirit and that everyone has the strength to overcome challenges; my role is to help them awaken that power within.
Boundaries
I maintain clear boundaries in my practice, which is crucial for both my well-being and my patients’. I usually don’t respond to messages on my days off and don’t answer calls unless we’ve agreed on it beforehand. These boundaries can sometimes be challenging for people, especially those with narcissistic tendencies, but their reactions provide valuable insights. It helps me understand whether they’re ready to commit to the therapeutic process.
I make it a point not to answer the phone or respond to messages from someone I’ve only had a few sessions with. These individuals often need to learn the importance of boundaries, which can be difficult but is necessary for therapy to be effective. There have been rare occasions when I’ve made exceptions—like answering calls in the middle of the night, scheduling emergency sessions on my days off, or even during vacations. However, these are exceptional cases and always mutually agreed upon, truly reserved for emergencies.
During weekends, my phone stays on silent in my work bag, and I don’t check it until Monday evening. However, I once felt an unexpected urge to check my phone on a Saturday afternoon, just as a long-term patient was calling in distress. It was an emergency session, reminding me how much I trust the process and my intuition. I believe there are no coincidences; everything happens for a reason. I am passionate about my work and consider it a privilege. It’s not just a job for me—it’s my calling.
Conclusion
I love my work deeply. Every day, I am grateful for the opportunity to walk alongside my patients as they navigate their journeys of healing and self-discovery. Being a psychotherapist is more than a profession; it is a profound and fulfilling part of who I am. I cherish the moments of breakthrough, the quiet victories, and the gradual transformations that occur within the therapy room. Each session is a reminder of the strength and resilience of the human spirit, and it is my honour to witness and support that process. My passion for this work drives me to strive for excellence continually, and I am committed to helping my patients find their way to a brighter, more empowered future.
With Love,
Sylwia Kuchenna