Only now are we beginning to truly understand the impact that childhood has on us. All our beliefs and perceptions are shaped during our childhood. You might think that you’ve changed and that childhood experiences no longer impact you. That might be true—until you get triggered and realize you’re back in your childhood.
Childhood Trauma
So many people are afraid to resonate with this phrase, for various reasons:
- You don’t believe you deserve to say that you had childhood trauma—sure, some people had it worse. You feel that you don’t deserve to admit it.
- There is also a fear that if you do admit you had childhood trauma, people won’t agree with you. They might think you’re exaggerating or seeking attention.
- You don’t want to offend your parents because you know they tried their best and didn’t have it easy either.
- You’re ashamed to admit to yourself that you had childhood trauma. It’s too much of a burden to be labelled a “traumatized child.”
The word “trauma” itself also raises issues, and there are reasons why we don’t like to use it because:
- We think of trauma as something huge, something clearly distinguishable as trauma, something easily accepted as trauma by society: war, natural disasters, the death of a parent, catastrophic accidents…
- The word trauma is used carelessly and overused by so many people (especially young people), that we don’t take trauma seriously anymore.
Definition
The word trauma can be easily overused or underestimated. But what about the middle ground? That itself shows you the huge issues that trauma raises. The “all or nothing” mentality plays a huge part in traumatization.
As Gabor Maté states, trauma is not the event itself that traumatizes us, but the aftermath of the incident—how we internalize what happened to us, and whether we received support afterwards.
Peter Levine says that trauma is registered in our nervous system as a memory, which is why we get triggered.
For me, however, my definition of trauma is this:
Trauma is everything that changed us, broke us, disconnected us from ourselves. Trauma is everything that makes us afraid of ourselves, other people, and the world. Trauma is everything that happened to us that left us vulnerable, broken, separated, shattered, alone, and helpless. Trauma is our memory (in both our mind and body) of what happened to us and keeps reminding us that the world can be dangerous and unsafe. Trauma prevents us from trusting others and ourselves. Trauma is the scars that show up in our behaviours:
- Too afraid to commit to relationships
- Too afraid to say what you really want
- Too afraid to show your emotions
- Too afraid to admit that you want to be loved
- Too afraid to change the job you really don’t like
- Too afraid to spend money on yourself
- Too afraid to make a mistake
- Too afraid to be hurt, so you push everyone away
- Too afraid to be around people, so you isolate yourself
- Too afraid to slow down and have a peaceful weekend, as this seems unfamiliar
- Too afraid to be yourself, so you constantly wear a mask
- Too afraid of being judged and rejected, so you please others even at your own expense
- Too afraid to trust yourself, so you keep comparing yourself to others
This list goes on… It shows how many different ways we can internalize trauma and develop limiting beliefs about ourselves.
Childhood trauma deeply impacts our adulthood. It affects our relationships, roles, finances, emotions, and perceptions of ourselves, other people, and the world. This is why inner child work is so important. Inner child work is a very gentle way to address your childhood experiences and limiting beliefs.
Conclusion
If you would like to start working on your inner child, begin by asking yourself these three questions:
- Where in my life would I like to improve?
- What in my life isn’t working for me?
- Where in my life do I need to put more effort into healing or change?
I also invite you to join my inner child workshop, which will be held on the 28th of September from 10 am to 6 pm (7 CPD hours). It’s an in-person event in Limerick City, and the investment is now only €85.
Additionally, the online 3-day Inner Child Masterclass is on sale until the end of September for just €14.99. This is a great opportunity to delve deeper into your healing journey from the comfort of your own home.